Another Reality Check

I’m so sorry

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Oh dear…I am very sorry to hear that, @hansena. I hope you and your dad will be able to spend some quality time together.

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I am so sorry to hear about your dad. One thing that is good is that you have some time to reconnect. :cry:

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Sorry to hear about your faither. I hope your time together can be a lasting memory of grace.

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I am so sorry to hear that. My condolences, and hope you have much meaningful time together before the end.

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Thanks for the thoughts, prayers, comments, etc. :heart:

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Condolences. My Mother managed to reconcile with her estranged Father a few years before he died, and it was solid gold for both of them.

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I just sucks doesn’t it? I hope you get to ask the questions you ways wanted to.

On Saturday morning the entire family thought we had days or less. My father in-law was actually doing his one on one goodbyes with people starting with his middle son. Saturday afternoon the doctor walks in and tells us he is stable for now, can do palative care at home, and may make it to the fall, maybe.

The middle son has always had a great friend style relationship with his father, but never got life guidence. I am hoping, he will finally be put down pretence and appearance and finally help guide his son to being a man.

From what it sounds from your post, the becoming a man isn’t your thing with him, but the chance to bond is in need(if I misread sorry). I am that weird excited/sorrowful for you and your opportunity. I hope you can get that.

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I’m still looking for cheap flights down there, and arrange my work/life schedule.
I’m glad to hear your family got a little more time to talk and pass down knowledge, hope the middle son gets what he needs as well.
I was lucky enough to have my step father (Dad) come into my life at 12 and teach me all the good stuff like shaving, repairing cars, welding, machining, plumbing, electrical, and being a gentleman. He’s the reason I’m doing what I am now. I lost him suddenly to a heart attack nearly 4 years ago, he was way too young. As a result I’ve been taking care of my mom since then because her health isn’t good either.
Just goes to show, don’t wait. If people are awesome, tell them. If you have questions, ask them.
By the way, all you people on here I talk to all the time: YOU’RE AWESOME and I appreciate you.

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Every time on old man dies a library burns down.

Once that possibility had passed I had many questions that had never occurred to me. Too busy seeing the trees that the view of the forest eluded me.

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Yes! So very much so. I would add: FORGIVE. Wherever possible, forgive.

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That was a lesson that eluded me for years.
'I was wronged, why should I forgive?’ is a reflection of the animosity I was clinging to. Took me a long time to realize I was the one bearing the burden - forgiveness was setting me free, not them.

To be wronged is nothing… unless you continue to remember it. - Confucius

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Me too. I still struggle with it.

My dad had a good perspective. He used to say that when someone hurts you, they’ve injured you once - but when you hold on to that hurt and relive it again and again, you choose to re-injure yourself over and over. That part is on you, so letting go is as much for your own benefit as it is for theirs.

I had a psych prof who used to say that holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. Took me a stupid long time to grasp that one :wink:

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So true. If you don’t forgive, the person who wronged you may never come to you and ask for forgiveness, but you will always carry that offense for the rest of your life.

Typically, all it does is fester and rot inside you, contaminating you (and many times those around you).

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There are not too many advantages to having zero emotional memory but not being able to hold a grudge is one of them. Don’t get me wrong, it has nothing to do with whether I am particularly forgiving. Just when someone does me wrong I will remember the act but won’t remember the negative feeling more than about 30 minutes. So in effect the anger is completely gone.

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That would be a neat ability to have. :relaxed:

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Unfortunately it’s the same with excitement and joy. Never had an interest in doing really exciting things that require money. Like go around the world. I won’t remember the excitement and am left with the bill.

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For all the neurological books I’ve read I didn’t know this was a thing. Looks you have compensated for deficit well.

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Until I figured it out, I could cling to a grudge - I would nurse it.
Took me a long time to grow up.

I was the same, the many thousands we spent gallivanting all over the Caribbean, and in a week the money is gone. Used to think we could have used all that for something more permanent.
I was wrong.
Armed with hindsight, looking at all the pictures we took - it came clear to me, all the wonderful memories of younger life are a treasure beyond anything else we might have purchased. Anytime you take a pile of cash and turn that into life experiences, you invested very well.

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Mom says that holding a grudge is like taking poison yourself in hopes of killing the person who wronged you.

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