You know, I’ve often wondered if slapping a big “Caution! Radioactive if broken.” sign on the box wouldn’t improve the odds of survival…just a stray thought.
UPS would likely refuse to ship anything that claims to be radioactive. Or at the very least ask a lot of questions and probably charge extra.
Yeah, you’re probably right…but a gal can dream. 
True, but if they declared it HAZMAT and paid the extra shipping on that, it WOULD get more gentle treatment.
UPS prohibits scorpions, snakes, and spiders… but they allow bees. Maybe put Africanized Honey Bees on the side.
I think that is one of the best ideas I’ve heard for incentivizing UPS to be more gentle. May want to include a sound recording that is looped of bee noises for good measure. 
IF they did tbat, a good number of GF shipments would be hijacked by terrorists. Of course, that would keep them occupied and off the streets…