Something to think about
• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
• I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.
• Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
• PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
• Home Schooling is going well.
2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
• I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.
It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
I came into my house, told my dog… we laughed a lot.
• So, after this quarantine…will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
• Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.
You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
I have no clue how this place is still in business.
• (My favorite) My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
• Day 5 of Home Schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
• I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’.
I’m getting tired of ‘’Los Living Room’’.
• Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
• Day 6 of Home Schooling. My child just said:
“I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”… I’m offended.
• Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
Haha, that’s hilarious.
Some good ones in there I hadn’t heard before!
I hadn’t heard any of them…but they hit home! 
Good ones!
Thanks for the laugh David! Cheers.
Definitely an outta-the-park Home Run there!! 
Thank you!! Literally made me laugh out loud. Hilarious.
Shared with my husband, he enjoyed it just as much.
I first felt this back in Y2K, that I had fallen out of reality into a bad novel but ever since then a new book in the series comes out more absurd than the previous that not many years->months before was thought too crazy to exist. I don’t think even Rod Sterling could have imagined it, or would have thought it could be published if he did.
Imagine if you can a normal everyday story from the news as a Twilight Zone story then, it would have been too crazy.
I have to agree with you on that. 
Social evolution just got a kick in the arse, the ramifications from this are yet to arrive.
I just finished a massive all family Easter video conference. We listened to the two teachers in the group talking about the challenges of this time. They both shared the experiences of having parents who absolutely can’t manage any type of home learning. “I have four kids, thanks but no thanks for your assistance.” Then I hear from my niece whose K and 2nd graders get videos every morning from their teachers with explanations of all the objectives of the day. It’s a riot out there.
At this time I’m thinking, what the heck. We can make up just about everything. But in the world of education, there is this driving force that says if you don’t learn it now, you will never learn it.
I kind of wish I could relax a bit an enjoy this, but my sense of duty and compassion doesn’t allow it much.
Thanks for the laughs.
I can barely imagine your position. Carry on my friend, you are a link to Sanity. Support. I salute your efforts.
There are ages that learning is easiest, but desire and attention span can overcome learning later. But it is that desire and attention that is the tricky part, once the person walks away from what their eyes can tell them it takes great horror or severe personal betrayal from their guru has hypnotized them into believing.
Loved the list. Lots of truths in there. I would add this one…that we’re either going to learn to cut our own hair or we will once again become a nation of hippies.
And, here’s the most recent one for the older folks in here (you know who you are)
My thoughts about what this would do to Social Security costs came early. American life expectancy has been dropping since 2012 even as those looking to eliminate it have claimed otherwise, but even when the main storm is over it will likely be the biggest drop since 1918 and those on SS will be the most affected.
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