I wrote a long rant. In the end I decided to not post it. Let me just say that once again the nice-guy/gal/couple have lost. The lazy and ungrateful family member has raised a stink and the rest of the family has chosen their side.
I just wish that said family would recognize and acknowledge the fact that my wife and I have sacrificed our time, our money and our privacy all for the purpose of helping a family member and her daughter, primarily the daughter. We have been met with nothing but complaints and accusations through this whole process. And all of this drama is on top of the other rigors of moving.
Actually I take that back. I donāt care about recognition. I just want the family member to not take advantage of the help that we offer. Thus far that has not been the case.
To top everything off, yesterday I wake up to the SWAT team rolling down the block, and today as I headed out to the car I witnessed a police chase. Thankfully the previously mentioned family members arenāt aware of these events, lest they find out that we now, truly, live in the ghetto.
On the plus side, the house we moved into has an existing 4" vent to the outsideā¦ sadly it is in the living room, and Iām fairly certain the Glowforge wonāt have itās home in the living room.
Sorry to hear >< Nothing much we can do to help ya out, except offer an online santuary for occasional retreat. Kudos on being good to family, even when that tenuous link is the only reason.
Iām so sorry to hear that. The crazy part is, that sounds nearly IDENTICAL to a situation I went through two years ago. We offered our home, food, money, advice, and solace and received abuse and destruction in return. we offered to get the parent a job, counseling, or any other help. we offered the daughter a free college education, and any support she would need. I co-signed for a car so the parent to get to/from a job. but she never got a job and my credit is still recovering from that one.
It almost broke me, mentally, emotionally, and financially. hang in there. In the end, me and my wife ended up recovering and moving forward in life and are doing great. They (the family members) are now no better that where they started, unfortunately. We were disowned by the rest of the family for helping them out. but are better off anyway.
stay strong, and stay focused on supporting your marriage through this. it will be history soon enough.
Iām extremely sorry to hear it too. Weāve been through somewhat similar drama on both sides of our family, and you just have to live through it. It doesnāt feel like it will ever get any easier, because what they are really breaking is your heart.
You will get through it though. Remember that it is okay to say no sometimes. And take time for yourselves.
Itās funny. I learned this particular lesson when working at UPS. I busted my butt loading trucks, trying to meet or exceed the expected loading timesā¦ in the end, everyone else was slower so when I would finish they would throw me into another truck to load some more. The harder I worked the more work they gave me while everyone else kind of coasted. Eventually I realized that I could slow myself down and get along just fineā¦ of course thatās the beauty of union jobsā¦ but lets not get started on that discussion.
We will get through it. One of two things will happenā¦ Said family member will run back to mommy and daddy in CA, leaving us to ourselves. And while it will stick us with a 2 year lease that is a little higher than we would like to cover on our own, at least we wonāt have all of the drama. The other alternative is that she doesnāt ārun homeā and we have to put up with her for the aforementioned 2 years, at which point we are 100% separating households.
We certainly try to. But thatās another issue. All of this moving overlapped with our anniversary! Now we had decided to keep it low key. We knew that we would be moving. I bought her flowers, a card, and a few macaroons from a great french bakery at Pike Place, and then we were going to head out for dinner. Nothing too fancy. Sadly the whole evening was marred by discussion of all of this drama. We got home and decided to watch a little TV, and at one point the sister and mom come upstairs and cop a squat on the couch just looking at us. Uh, we were watching a show which we have paused because we thought you wanted to talk about somethingā¦ but youāre just staring at us. wtf?!? In a couple weeks once this all settles down weāre totally going to Danielās Broiler for a nice steak, and next year, our 10-year, weāre going to go somewhere or do something epic.
So, back to this āghettoā situation I have put myself intoā¦ the GF will require a signature when it arrives yes? I donāt want the UPS guy just leaving it on the porch in this neighborhood!
Gosh, thatās rough for you. Seeing your story makes me feel so fortunate that we donāt have relatives doing such things, at least so far! I hope something extra nice happens to you to compensate.
you may be able to arrange a UPS/FedEx Store pickup instead of a home deliveryā¦ but I donāt actually know if it will be delivered UPS or if it will be a variety of shipping companies.
I was the National Bank of Jim. I finally figured out I was either a)just enabling their dysfunction or b) being taken advantage of. Then I realized I really didnāt like them all that much. The friends I make and choose myself Iāll do anything for. The people who think they deserve special treatment because we share a gene pool havenāt been my problem for years now.
Sometimes itās best to disenfranchise toxic family members.
Thank fully my family is not toxic but I do know some people whos family is and Iām just liked DUDE!!! and the response is āI know I know Iām tryingā or āits ok its getting betterā both of witch isnāt helpful just to see the people I know given there shirt to someone that doesnāt deserve it and doesnāt care
I feel you, I really do. We have two daughters. One is a school teacher, a mother of two, and the wife to the coolest son-in-law anyone could hope to have. The other is, well, for the lack of a better term, disabled by extreme sorriness.
Remember this, true obligation is something you take upon yourself, not something someone else expects.
Iām sorry to hear this. It is so unfortunate when people mistake kindness for a weakness. Hopefully, this experience does not discourage you and your wife from continuing to be nice peopleā¦ the world needs as many of those as possible!
And while it must feel frustrating and exhausting now, itās entirely possible that your efforts are not in vain. The mother may be beyond hope, but thereās no telling what her daughter is learning from your compassion, and simply from being exposed to functional adults.
On an up note: The Glowforge is gorgeous. Iād stick it in my living room (and just might ā once I figure out where Iāll be living by December. Iām in the process of selling my house and moving).
For the record, being in escrow is the opposite of fun.
I thought youād been sort ofā fading awayishā lately! Iām glad to know itās just because youāve been extremely busy doing other things. Wishing you the best with your upcoming move and hope all the red tape stuff goes well and quickly. Iāve been in the same place for 43 years, so cannot even relate.
