So something happened, and I don’t feel particularly proud of it, but I’ll share it with you guys anyway.
We had a rough patch, and marriage-wise it was getting kind of tough… so what did I do to put a finger in the glowforge-argument-dam? I did what any terrible person would do- I lied 
I said I would cancel the glowforge- and at first I totally intended to do so, which is why I wrote the original post in the first place. Only… then I just… didn’t.
My wife asked if I had cancelled, and I said that I had, but that the company never replied to my request. Obviously this was a crappy move on many levels, and I’m no dummy, I realized that at the time too. I painted the far-away mysterious Glowforge folks as the bad guys, and took the stance that I was a good husband just trying to do my best. I know… that’s super awful. It is.
Meanwhile, I knew we did NOT need the money back. It would go straight into buying a new $5K couch, when our current couch is aesthetically and functionally perfect. So there’s that.
It’s also not like we have a nagging monthly payment- the thing was paid off two years ago, and in my mind the money is spent (not hers though, obviously!)
I also knew that once it was actually HERE, the fight would be over. We’ve been together long enough, that I have that mechanic figured out.
I have worked with laser engravers A LOT, and this machine will facilitate my growth into advanced woodworking techniques at home as well as (hopefully!) design catalog participation in the future. I feel like this is something my daughter might grow to be fascinated by, and develop in her an appreciation for making things using your imagination. I know very well what these machines can do, and I’ve never had one in my home- so having one directly at my beck and call any given day will be incredible. In short, I was selfish. And knowing that, it doesn’t feel very good… but that’s what it boils down to, I was very selfish.
…So I threw caution to the wind, potentially throwing a match on an already fiery stint in our relationship.
…So I threw my morals out the window, and did exactly what I knew an awful person would’ve done, and to the extent of painting the Glowforge folks as the bad guys, what a coward would’ve done.
…So I got my email, and my glowforge arrives soon.