Oh my goodness, I think I wet myself. That was awesome!!! 
2 Likes
OMG so last December I had some one steal a tray of 100 raspberry chocolate truffles from the work fridge that I made for my team
5 Likes
“Every episode will make you think. Not all of them will make you think happy thoughts.”
(…since you asked…)
5 Likes
@Jules that was awsome. I have my own small refrigerator under my desk at work…no thefts. 
Go 
- Rich
2 Likes
Hahaha, I was binging The Arrow and The Flash as well! I just discovered the FX app has EVERY episode of the Simpsons. So…thats happening.
Man, just one day? I can’t watch more than one episode a day and usually not more than one a week, to be honest.
Um, no kidding – just watched the beginning of episode 1… 
18 Likes
Ditto that! 
4 Likes
Monastery Guy
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
18 Likes
Genie in A Bottle
Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. “Turn the lake into beer,” he says. The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, “So what do you think?” The other guy says, “You jerk. Now we’ve got to piss in the boat.”
11 Likes
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
14 Likes
HORSE IN THE HOUSE
Joe was trying to lead a horse in the street, but was having much trouble getting the horse’s cooperation. A passerby stopped and asked if he could help. Joe was grateful and gladly accepted.
After much pushing and shoving, they finally got the horse to the front door of Joe’s department. Joe indicated that the horse was to go through the door. More pushing and shoving.
Once inside, Joe and the passerby managed to work the horse up the steps and into Joe’s apartment on the third floor, then through the living room and into the bathtub.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the good Samaritan said, “I don’t want to be nosy, but this is most unusual…”
Joe said, “When my wife comes home, she’ll look in the bathroom and say, ‘There’s a horse in there!’ “
“Hey, how many times in a man’s life will they ever get the chance to tell their wife, ‘I know! I know!’?”
2 Likes
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done ……Your turn!)
15 Likes
You’re using up all my likes again.
3 Likes
@Jules, how many of these do you have? - Rich
Crazy in Love
This badge is granted when you use all 50 of your daily likes for 20 days. Wow! You’re a model of regularly encouraging your fellow community members!
7 Likes
Just one - they don’t keep track of how many times you qualify. (Their little computer can’t count that high.) 
4 Likes
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
16 Likes