The daily rant: words of encouragement, humor, birthday wishes, etc

I’ll tell you what the joke is…I actually looked up “duimb” to see if it meant something in chemical symbols I didn’t understand, instead of just being a typo. ROFL! :smile:

8 Likes

Wish you were the only one. Dan has made very, very few typos in the forum. That one stands out like a sore thumb. It probably was just a typo, but might not be, but statistically it isn’t, but logically it wasn’t, but…

Happy Halloween.

13 Likes

Heaven and Hell
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St… Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really? I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.
"I’m sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it’s time to visit heaven…�
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time
and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell…
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
“Yesterday we were campaigning,
Today, you voted…”

28 Likes

So true…not being political on the forum or anything… :astonished: - Rich

3 Likes

An open, respectful exchange of ideas is a good and important thing. Bashing each other only serves to divide us and empower/enrich the money changers.

8 Likes

Not meant as a bash here. I was warned once by a regular to keep politics off the forum, but that joke wasn’t aimed at anyone or any party, just at politicians in general. They are fair game, as are lawyers, and salesman, it seems. My apologies to any politicians, lawyers, or salesman on the forum. :v: - Rich

11 Likes

I’m an equal opportunity offender. :smiling_imp:

14 Likes

Oh, I knew you weren’t bashing. Actually, this forum is a great example to us all, in what we can all accomplish if we explore our differences respectfully and open ourselves up to new ideas and ways of doing things.

8 Likes

I believe we’re allowed to bash dead horses…:neutral_face:

14 Likes

Appropriate Halloween Humor:

As pastor of four churches for nine years in rural Missouri, each with its own cemetery adjacent to the church property, I would pull out versions of this joke from time to time, depending on who needed roasting. Sometimes it would be a lawyer, sometimes a politician, and sometimes farmer.

Our cemeteries had fairly simple rules about who could be buried where and when. So Big Tom up and died. He was a state representative for eight years but a full time farmer besides. He was buried with lots of honors and sadness at the passing of such a public servant. Tom’s gravestone got delivered. It caused quite the commotion in the community. The inscription simply read: Here lies a politician and an honest man.

I got a call shortly there after from Junior, who was the cemetery caretaker. “We need to call the backhoe back to redo this grave.”

“Why,” I asked, a little confused.

Junior told me what was on the gravestone and remarked, “Darn it! I keep telling everyone. Only one body per grave.”

19 Likes

It’s not a typo… look again

5 Likes

Chuckle! Nope…You’re gonna have to explain it…I’m still missing it.

3 Likes

If today were April 1st I could just chalk it up to being a cruel prank… Would someone please PM me with the answer to Dan’s “duimb” comment. Trying to find a solution is all consuming. I assume it’s because I don’t quite grasp certain types of humor. There are still 4 cords of winter wood outside yet to be split and the wife is running around the house in a coat. Save her.

8 Likes

Thought I had it LICT but I guess not

2 Likes

A fellow WV should not be that cruel. Now I can’t figure out LICT.

3 Likes

It was a hint for this link lol its an acronym as far as I can tell but @dan will have to verify.

http://www.meaningfor.com/what-does-stand-for/duimb

3 Likes

Yeah. I had been there early. It made no sense to me whatsoever. Dan doesn’t strike me as the Astrology/numerology type. Even tried 22 on the periodic table. If this turns out to be something that only folks that read the New Yorker cartoons would understand then I am wasting my time. Could stare at those cartoons for hours and not understand. Still can’t quite grasp the humor in “Why does the chicken cross the road”.

Edit: Of course I fully understand the irony in the statement “I am wasting my time”.

6 Likes

My assumption has been brain teaser like these? I just can’t think of what it would be…

4 Likes

“i” in dumb?
“i” m in the middle of dumb?
“i” m in the center of a bunch of dummies?
“Help!” I’ve fallen and I can’t get up?

This had better be good, I’m putting things off to try and figure it out…

C’mon @dan…need another hint here. :smile:

8 Likes

I’m pretty sure it’s So Diumb. As in Sodium. Since it was in response to “Na”.

16 Likes