THAT is SOOOOOO epic!!! 
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Inexplicably, worked when I realized my parents had a lot of non-78’s mixed in with the records and I went back to one that played well. I imagine it was more of needle/record mismatch. I pulled it open and all of the components seem to be in prime condition… yay me
Operator error. I’ll have to go through and organize those later 
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I can imagine that being a problem
Thing is I should have known better. I’m blaming sleep deprivation 
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